Love is a drug. So get addicted to the right person!

Love is sort of like rock climbing, in the sense of having to understanding the technicalities, being vulnerable, having patience & utilizing all of your strength.

Technicalities are like the foundation stage of the relationship in understanding the rules and regulations. Knowing each others good and bad habits, what you do and don’t like, the different views you have on life, religion, God, politics, etc… This is also the most important stage because it will ultimately lower your risks of being injured or hurt.

Vulnerability, the second stage, is very important in the safety of your heart because you are in fact trusting someone with your mind, body and spirit and hoping they were paying attention to the technicalities so there aren’t too many mishaps. You’re taking a gamble that this person is going to spot you at all times while you’re climbing up that rocky wall of love and if you slip, they’ve got you covered and brace your fall before you hit the floor.

Patience is the stage that is learned through the time and experience of the relationship. As you both grow, you’ll understand that there is no rush and you don’t have to be impulsive. Regardless of 6 months or three years, as long as you make it to the top of the wall of love, utilized all the correct technicalities and allowed yourself to be vulnerable to your partner it doesn’t matter how slow you get to the top because you did it the right way.

The last stage is strength. Even with the right technicalities, being vulnerable and having patience, you still need the
strength not to QUIT when you’re tired.

Love is a drug. So get addicted to the right person!

God is God in spite of all things. Only His counsel shall always stand. Man may boast and threaten to do this or that to you, but that is only to the extent that God allows. Proverbs 19:21 KJV

” IT IS GOD THAT SHOWETH MERCY ”

Dearly beloved, for a while now , I have been praying to God for a turn around on some major issues, for which He encouraged me that ” the race is not for the swift, neither the battle for the strong”. This is an indication that all things are really possible with him no matter how bad the situation may appear. I therefore want to in turn encourage  those of you who are at cross roads, in despair as a result of seemingly hopeless situations, in one form of bondage or the other, etc that Christ is alive. Indeed, because He lives, you can face tomorrow. We are victorious, and will overcome every difficulty and bondage, we see ourselves in.

There is nothing like relying on the Almighty for help and sustenance. For the psalmist says Psalm 121:1-2 KJV
[1] I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. [2] My help cometh from the Lord , which made heaven and earth.

One of the reasons why we need to depend absolutely on God, is because every man’s lot is determined by Him.
Proverbs 29:26 KJV
[26] Many seek the ruler’s favour; but every man’s judgment cometh from the Lord .

God is God in spite of all things. Only His counsel shall always stand. Man may boast and threaten to do this or that to you, but that is only to the extent that God allows.
Proverbs 19:21 KJV
[21] There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless the counsel of the Lord , that shall stand.

Speaking about Esau and Jacob, the scriptures say, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. This is to say that He will have mercy on whom he will have mercy, and compassion on whom He will have compassion.
Romans 9:12-16 KJV
[12] It was said unto her, The elder shall serve the younger. [13] As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. [14] What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid. [15] For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. [16] So then it is n

ot of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy.

The need for God’s grace and favour cannot be overemphasised. It is commonly said that one day of favour is greater than a hundred years of labour. God can make you gain divine speed over lost grounds and overtake those who have since been ahead of you.

Paul was the least of the Apostles, yet he was the most effective of them all. What could have been the reason for this, other than the grace of God. He covered tremendous grounds to catch up and overtake those Apostles who were before him.

Ecclesiastes 9:11 KJV
[11] I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

Beloved of God, no matter what the situation might be with you, God is God and still in charge. The God that took David from being a shepherd boy to King of Israel is still the same God.
2 Samuel 7:8 KJV
[8] Now therefore so shalt thou say unto my servant David, Thus saith the Lord of hosts, I took thee from the sheepcote, from following the sheep, to be ruler over my people, over Israel:

He is the same yesterday, today and forever. ( Hebrews 13:8 ). The same God took Joseph from prisoner to prime minister in a foreign land of Egypt. This was impossible naturally speaking. He sought out Moses from the back side of the desert while tending his father in law’s flock and made him a leader of the Israelites.

No matter how much grounds you have lost, or by how much you have been left behind by your mates, God will restore all that the enemy has taken from you. You will gain divine speed and cover seemingly lost grounds and at the end you you will be victorious and testify. Only rely on His grace and mercy which is all you need.

Give God first place in your life as your Lord and personally  saviour and you will see a
difference.

CHOOSING YOUR VERSION NOW.

CHOOSING THE RIGHT VERSION OF YOURSELF

This week I want to talk to you about choosing the right version of yourself and tapping into your unique talents and seeds of greatness.

It is always refreshing writing for you each week, many thanks for the prayers and kind words. I read every single one of them and I pray that you are blessed too.

In the technology age, versions are talked about a lot. Every application has many versions and we aim to upgrade to the latest versions of phones, applications and cars. However, we as individuals have different versions too and I have identified the 3 versions that stand out to me.

So let’s look at the different versions of you that you may not be aware exists:

1. Version 1: Who We Have Become

This is the current version of you right now as you read this message.

If life is going very well congratulations but please check out the other versions too. If you are struggling, I want you to know that there is hope for a better life and that it is possible that you can transform your life.

Version one for you is probably, the struggling person, doing all you know to get by every week. It might be very laid back, lazy and half asleep person who is just surviving but not really living your true life but drifting and waiting for help that will never come.

It might also be a version where you believe that you know it all and need to further knowledge, with the belief that once school or university studies is over, there is nothing much to study since you have all the certificates. You believe that you have all it takes to get the best opportunities and business based on your current knowledge.

Your version one, may be that you are seating in the corner waiting for others to fix your life; government, parents, friends, relatives etc. I call this living a life of entitlement; the most dangerous and destructive lifestyle. Here you believe that whether it goes well or not, there is somebody to blame for it and if it goes well then you take the glory.

For some others, we see only one option in life to achieve whatever we want to without opening our eyes to other opportunities out there but stay with me let us consider the other versions.

2.     Version 2: Who You Dream to Become

This is to many of us a better version. The dream version of life that we are all aiming for. It appears like the best that we can become to feel that we are living the life or running the business of our dreams.

This version is normally limited to our exposure and what we believe is possible. It is often determined also by the people we have around us, TV programmes we watch, the locations we visit often, the books we read and the people we listen to daily.

Based on this, we find heroes whose personal achievements and lifestyles we want to copy, but is this the best version of you?

I don’t think so because I believe that you can become better and as we are all unique, there is nobody in the world who can be the best version of YOU! It is only YOU!

This version keeps you in the confines of your current knowledge and possibilities but we are all warriors in different things and by copying others we run the risk of missing our marks. We also run the risk of becoming much less than we are capable of becoming.

Although, there is nothing very bad with this version, I have a new proposition for you this week and that is version 3. Let’s look at it…

3.     Version 3: What We Can Become

This is the version of you that I am inviting you to, the totally and completely unchained warrior!

Let me tell you something you probably have not been told by anyone about you:

You are a unique gift to the world for this time that we live in. Nothing exactly like you has come this way from the start of the world till date.
You are endowed with seeds of greatness that if you would take the responsibility and water it for as long as it will take to mature, the world will hear your name!
You have the power to achieve at least 100 times whatever you think you can achieve as version 2. So dream bigger than you have right now. Think about it, even if you don’t achieve 100 times and end up with just 20 times, it is still better than your current dreams.
You owe it to the world to bring the best you have to the table and serve the world with it or we will all miss out.

This is it for this week on my blog, Warriors, the choice is yours. Remain where you are today, dream to become like other people around you or embrace a much larger dream and vision of yourself, work on it and change the world to your amazement and the amazement of the people around you.

Come out of that comfort zone of version one and step up your game. The whole world is your stage; not just your village, community, state or country! No, you are a gift to the world!

The world is changing every day and to survive, succeed and thrive, you must continuously upgrade the versions of yourself until every talent in you is fully utilised and you live out your warrior.

The call is for today, not tomorrow, next week or next year. Start today!

Lots of love and abundant blessings.

BUILD YOURSELF AND AWAIT ANY COMING CHALLENGES AHEAD.

Do not stop living. Now and again life deals each of us a low blow. It knocks the wind right out of us and we lay there stunned. Do not stop living because a relationship that you wanted badly ended, a job that you gave your all to laid you off, or someone you love has passed on.
Everyone hits that wall. Down the line someone will look at you and think to themselves, either, “Wow, what grace and strength. That person has been through something,” or they will think, “Wow. What happened to that person? Life has jacked them up.” Grief and worry will mark you as surely as will love and forgiveness. Each is clearly visible on your face.
In times of adversity allow the natural buoyancy of your spirit to carry you upward. Think of your successes, large and small, and how they swelled your breast with pride. What simple gesture once brought you joy? Be still and remember these things as if they were but a moment ago.
The world needs your unabashed

joy. Smell the flowers. Dance in the sunshine. Smile. Be joyful. Your life is not over. Years from now you will see that your destiny came from this dark moment. Something you would never have, do, or be, had you not gone through that thing. Allow Providence it’s due. Embrace and be grateful for every moment, every emotion and every experience in your life. You have GREATNESS within you!

POINTS TO PONDER ON ESPECIALLY TO OUR BACHELORS…..

Some guys (BACHELORS) are currently in there early thirties and has been working for about 10 years. He is considering getting married very soon and feels this may just be the right time for him. However, he faces one huge problem. He has no money in the bank to fund the wedding ceremonies, let alone sustain a family. He is even more appalled when he realises that he has earned over N30m combined in his last 10 years as a salaried worker, yet he had nothing in terms of savings in the bank or investments to show for it. What could be the problem?

A lot of young bachelors I know face serious issues with finances despite relatively having little responsibilities compared to their married counterparts. This can be a real problem for an economy that is fast transforming as more and more graduates are churned out to replace our ageing workforce. Why is being broke a problem for bachelors? Here are some of the reasons I can point out.

Cars and houses

A familiar characteristic of a young thriving bachelor is the desire to own a nice car and living in a rented apartment. These require huge outlay of cash as landlords collect a minimum of one year rent upfront and the cost of good cars also high. They end up borrowing from their offices or banks at very high rates to pay back over time. The loan repayment, including interest, leaves them with little or no money to save. But if they had saved first, they would have had enough money to at least fund either a car or a house.

Poor disposition towards saving

Most bachelors I know hardly cultivate the habit of saving. This can be because they do not feel any level of responsibility to a spouse or even children. Therefore, every income they receive is channeled towards maintaining their lifestyle, leaving them with little or no disposable income, let alone savings. Another reason can be a deceptive belief that they don’t have goals.

As a bachelor, you must inculcate the habit of saving at all times. Rather than think you have no goals that warrant savings, you should save towards marriage, your unborn kid’s education, welfare, house, and even insurance.

Reckless lifestyle

Some bachelors live a reckless lifestyle of partying, drinking, travelling and being a spendthrift. Whilst it is not so bad partying or drinking, there is a likelihood that this will be done excessively as a bachelor. These habits are inimical to a good savings culture as they are hardly compatible. When you save, you have little disposable income and limit your ability to fund some of these lifestyles.

Family pressure

Young bachelors also feel this intense need to give back soon after they are employed. They have parents, younger ones and even relatives who rely on them for some source of income. This puts immense pressure on their finances making them seldom save or even invest for themselves. In fact, some cultures in Nigeria require that newly employed persons give their complete first month salary to their parents. While it is good to give back, wouldn’t saving your entire first month salary be a good head start in life?

Peer group influence

Peer group influence is another strong factor affecting savings culture of bachelors. Young bachelors often have friends who are also not married and in most cases are simply excited with the newly found freedom of life to even bother to save. There is this unannounced competition to outdo each other in terms of spending.

They often misplace their priorities choosing to chase more material aspects of life than meaningful ones. While belonging to a peer group is human nature in itself, joining one with a better focus in life can be a very useful tool for saving.

This is why groups such as an investment club or a cooperative are very wonderful forms of peer group influence that can aid the culture of saving.

Women and fashion

This needs no introduction as most bachelors I know indulge in womanising and trying to look good. Both habits are very expensive to maintain and these days the price is even much higher than it used to be. Women are wiser and more demanding of their men both financially and physically. They want you to dress really nice and lavish some of your money on them. While these are not bad demands, they can be quite expensive for a young bachelor. It is very possible for this behaviour to not only stop you from saving but to make you borrow chronically and keep you indebted.

Education – Acquiring further education is very encouraging, however it comes at a huge cost. A Master’s degree locally costs between N500, 000 and N2m, while the same abroad can be between N5m and N10m. Young bachelors have identified the advantage that postgraduate degrees can bring for their careers in future thus making them want to spend every money they have acquiring it. The risk here is that, they take up these degrees full-time thus resigning from their jobs. Upon graduating they are mostly broke with most not even having enough money to pay off the balance of school fees. Student’s debts are common even in developed countries.

Wetin you dey take money do?’ by friends, relations and sometimes, total strangers.

The idea that the single person has financial needs beyond the very basic is ridiculous.

Or that is what you’ll begin to believe by the time you have been asked the question ‘Wetin you dey take money do?’ by friends, relations and sometimes, total strangers.

You are a single woman without a husband and kids. You do not have to pay school fees, clothe and feed a horde of hungry mouths. Yet you’re working and collecting salary and yet you complain of being broke? How now? What about your boyfriend? Or doesn’t he give you money?

Don’t even mention saving up to buy a house or a car. Gasp! Who will marry a woman that has property? Are you alright? It’s okay to buy household items, pots and the like but not too much so you don’t seem desperate to set up house. The only thing your money should go to is looking beautiful; whatever is left can be given to help people with families solve their real problems, because they are the ones that really need it.

I am not an easy person to guilt-trip and I have heard all of the above severally, even from friends who do not mean any ‘harm’ beyond having you pay for drinks or a meal. You’re a single sisi, you do not have the responsibilities they do. Pay.

Pay like the ATM you are
Pay like the ATM you are
Once in a while I take time to outline the responsibilities I have, to myself and to others just to get people like this to shut up. The level of surprise I get sometimes when I mention some of the financial responsibilities I have is bewildering.

Forget what’s on the outside, if only you knew the number of young women caring for parents, paying fees for younger ones, contributing to family development (this can be anything from building a family house to sending money to a sick relative).

For many lower than middle class parents, they pour all their resources into their children like an investment in expectation that when they grow up, they will begin to pay dividends. Now the way the country is set up, the chances of getting a job or succeeding at a business is pretty slim so you find that out of five children, maybe one or two of them makes really good. What then do you think happens? They begin to shoulder the burden of the entire family.

That is where a lot of single women find themselves. Cities often present a level playing field for everyone, you cannot tell our backgrounds from our faces. Even for someone whom you’ve calculated earns big bucks and doesn’t have as many responsibilities to others, what about responsibility to herself?

What about the fact that what a person chooses to do with their money is none of your business? It’s okay to ask if you need a favour. It’s also okay to get a no from the person and whatever reason they give is valid whether you consider it so or not.

After all, who worked for the money? The Single Babe

THE FEAR OF BEING GREATER THAN YOUR DREAMS

Our potential is the basic unit of our own happiness. That is why there is no definition of happiness, but only proxy approaches. Nobody can define happiness in a unique way! Whatever it means to you, might be different for me. Thus, we can approach happiness as the
realization of our potential. Some researchers think of happiness as well-being, or life satisfaction. However, sometimes realizing our potential is painful and requires a lot of sacrifices, which are not feelings that we usually relate to happiness

Nobody would think that Nelson Mandela was satisfied spending 27 years in jail, or that Martin Luther King enjoyed getting beaten over and over again. Yet, they lived exemplary lives, they sacrificed a lot and their path was very painful. But their happiness didn’t rest on their personal well-being, but rather on the realization of their potential. And that potential was the struggle for the civil rights of millions.

This is how Martin Luther King Jr. defined his own happiness. “Those who are not looking for happiness are the most likely to find it, because those who are searching forget that the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others.”. As we can see, seeking happiness and having a meaningful and great life was a matter of realizing his potential. It was not a matter of personal success, but service to others.

How about us, when we look back at our lives 20 or 30 years from now? Do we want to be truly happy knowing that we lived meaningful lives, or frustrated because we never created the opportunities to fully develop our talents, capacities and potential?

Our happiness mustn’t lie in being rich, famous or just living in material satisfactions. If we are not able to realize our potential, it is very likely that we will live empty lives. We might live very successful lives, but they might be empty at the end of the day.

We have to free ourselves from the cruelty of fear. And the only way to do that is by acknowledging and accepting the person who we really want to become. We have to leave behind the preconceptions and assumptions that we have about the world. And we must live our life knowing that it is ours alone.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear”. Nelson Mandela.

THE FEAR OF BEING GREAT

Our potential is the basic unit of our own happiness. That is why there is no definition of happiness, but only proxy approaches. Nobody can define happiness in a unique way! Whatever it means to you, might be different for me. Thus, we can approach happiness as the

realization of our potential. Some researchers think of happiness as well-being, or life satisfaction. However, sometimes realizing our potential is painful and requires a lot of sacrifices, which are not feelings that we usually relate to happiness

Nobody would think that Nelson Mandela was satisfied spending 27 years in jail, or that Martin Luther King enjoyed getting beaten over and over again. Yet, they lived exemplary lives, they sacrificed a lot and their path was very painful. But their happiness didn’t rest on their personal well-being, but rather on the realization of their potential. And that potential was the struggle for the civil rights of millions.

This is how Martin Luther King Jr. defined his own happiness. “Those who are not looking for happiness are the most likely to find it, because those who are searching forget that the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others.”. As we can see, seeking happiness and having a meaningful and great life was a matter of realizing his potential. It was not a matter of personal success, but service to others.

How about us, when we look back at our lives 20 or 30 years from now? Do we want to be truly happy knowing that we lived meaningful lives, or frustrated because we never created the opportunities to fully develop our talents, capacities and potential?

Our happiness mustn’t lie in being rich, famous or just living in material satisfactions. If we are not able to realize our potential, it is very likely that we will live empty lives. We might live very successful lives, but they might be empty at the end of the day.

We have to free ourselves from the cruelty of fear. And the only way to do that is by acknowledging and accepting the person who we really want to become. We have to leave behind the preconceptions and assumptions that we have about the world. And we must live our life knowing that it is ours alone.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear”. Nelson Mandela

THE PLANING STRATEGIES OF SUCCESSFUL LEADERSHIP

There is a key strategy that successful leaders use in planning their week’s goals.

It has nothing to do with their company’s mission, financials, or travel itinerary.

This one strategy helps keep them focused, balanced, and refreshed in their pursuits.

Effective leaders make sure they plan their personal goals first.

When planning their week, the most successful people will always carve out time for their personal goals. They know that in the crunch of today’s expectations of their roles, if they don’t “schedule time with themselves”, they will squelch their ability to learn, grow, and be fulfilled in their life’s pursuits.

Successful leaders know they need to schedule their personal goals into their work week in order to achieve a harmony and balance in their life. They “take the time to make the time” and find the opportunity to:

Read
Meditate
Plan
Exercise
Serve
Worship
Unwind and recharge
Learn
Enjoy their family and friends
While this key strategy seems simple, there are some layers of complexity to it. There is always those non-negotiable appointments or standing meetings that trump their schedule and take priority. There is also the demands of last-minute urgencies that derail even the best of plans. And there is also the pitfall of mental and physical fatigue or the feeling that something else more important needs to be done.

The best ways around these challenges are as follows:

Work around the non-negotiable demands of your time. You can do this by taking your schedule, seeing what is planned, and not scheduling anything else until you map time for your goals. An even more pro-active approach is to regularly schedule time weekly for yourself – I carve the last 2 hours of each Friday for clean-up, planning next week, and doing a weekly plus-minus

of the past few days.
Flex your schedule to benefit YOU. You also need to determine what work activities can be flexed or moved to create a better window of time for you to engage in self-development. For instance, if the early morning hours involve 8:00am meetings and it’s critical for you to spend that time planning or preparing, you can either flex that time and plan earlier, or move the meeting later to allow for planning if that 8:00am window is best for you. This goes for evening and weekend items also that may not even be conflicted by work but by other personal appointments. The goal here is to set your time up to work best for you first and foremost.
Discern what urgencies should usurp your time, if any. Urgencies many times are the result of someone else’s priority colliding with your priorities. While legitimate urgencies occur in work and home, you will need to take a quick moment to pause and discern if the situation warrants disrupting your time. The goal here is to address what is important, and to establish needed boundaries to ensure others respect your time. Needs of customers and opportunities to serve will many times rise above our own needs, but if we’re not careful we can allow others to disregard what is important to us and dictate our agendas. Take each situation on it’s own merits and ensure you are making the best choice for everyone involved.
Don’t let weariness derail your goals. A running joke with my wife is when I read late at night and fall asleep moments after opening the book. She laughs as I wake later and try to plow through another paragraph only to fall asleep again, saying that I’m too stubborn to forego my reading and just go to sleep. While I am determined to make my reading a priority each day, I am not willing to let fatigue beat me.
Find your balance point. In my example above on my reading, my challenge is to strike that balance between rest and reading in order to achieve my goals. That’s why my end of week plus-minus review helps me to find what has worked and where I need improvement. Balance is key to making your schedule time work for you, including above steps such as flexing our time to better benefit ourselves.
The main point is this – schedule time with yourself to achieve your goals. Find those “white spaces” in your schedule and dedicate those times for yourself. Find the balance, and adjust to make sure you don’t neglect your work, but don’t neglect yourself either.

Byendasmusing.

Marriage isn’t a prescribed absolute for everyone. Nor is any marriage the same for everyone.. Enough, bout who needs to do more or give this or that.. It’s simple folks on both sides choose everyday if it means something to them the next day. It’s sad truth that we at 18-21, 22-30, 31-35, and 36-50 goals or agenda change… during those stages how folks evolve with each other. Sometimes marriage looses it’s priority.